Christian perception of Life | The Years I Put Myself Out on Behalf of My Daughter

The Years I Put Myself Out on Behalf of My Daughter

Yang Yuqing, Japan

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I was born in a small village in China, and grew up there living an ordinary, simple life. Because my family was poor, I had to go to work in a big city after finishing junior high school at the age of 16. At the age of 17, I met my ex-husband, who is 12 years old than me. At the time, the concern and care he showed for me was like the sheltering protection I got from my father and the fraternal love that my older brother showed me. I felt that I was very lucky to have met him, and I counted my blessings every day. One day, his mother came over especially to see me.
I thought that she would be glad to see me, and so I was surprised when, on seeing that I was pretty and much younger than her son, she immediately suspected that I had some ulterior motive for dating him. Right in front of me, she said to her son: “Aren’t you afraid that she’s up to no good?” I felt very sad and upset to hear her say that, and was at a loss. My ex-husband replied in an angry tone of voice: “Mom, if you think you can split us up you can shove off!” I was stunned to hear him say this sort of stuff. He’d always seemed to be a gentle guy, and now he was getting furious at his mother in order to protect our relationship. I was very touched by this, and thought that it meant that his love for me was real and that I’d found true love. Later on, I had a daughter by him, even though my parents were opposed to the idea. But, to my complete surprise, within a few short years he changed into a totally different person. He started drinking, whoring, and gambling, and in no time at all had blown through all of our savings and landed himself in debt as well. At my wit’s end, I gave our daughter to my mother-in-law to look after and went out to work to make money to pay off the debt. But no matter how hard I worked, no matter how much money I made, he would take it and gamble it away. We ended up arguing every day and finally I couldn’t take it anymore and moved out. I originally wanted to take our daughter with me and move away from that place where I’d known so much heartache, but my ex-husband didn’t allow it. He said that he’d only hand over our daughter if I gave him 200,000 RMB.

I was worried that when I left, my ex-husband would find another partner and that my daughter would be bullied by her. I also wanted to take my daughter so that I could put her into a good school and give her a good education and a bright future. So I agreed to pay my husband the 200,000 RMB. But I had no way to quickly get such a large sum of money, so I started to work as hard as I could to make money. It was during this period that my mother and elder sister both accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. They also pushed me to believe in God and rely on God, but I didn’t have the inclination as all that concerned me was getting together the 200,000 RMB as quickly as possible so that I could get my daughter back. So I repeatedly refused to listen to the gospel and remained totally focused on making money. But what I never imagined was that once I got the 200,000 RMB together my husband still refused to give me our daughter and demanded 500,000 RMB, and tried to justify his greed with all sorts of reasons.

As a result of not being able to get my daughter back I began to drink every day to drown my sorrows and I became like a zombie. But so that my daughter could have a good future, I once again agreed to my ex-husband’s irrational terms and began the struggle to reach the 500,000 RMB target. I became a total slave to money, and worked day and night. It was during this time that I took a job in a Japanese restaurant, and that’s where I met my current husband. Because of the way my ex-husband had hurt me, I had lost all hope of re-marrying. But my new man was kind and gentle, and didn’t mind that I had a daughter, so I married him and came to live in Japan. After I arrived in Japan, my daughter, thinking that I didn’t want to be with her, started calling me daily. She would cry down the phone and say that she hated me and that I wasn’t a good mother. My daughter’s words were like a knife in my heart. What I wanted to say was: “Why can’t you understand how I feel? It’s not that I don’t want you. Your father won’t let me take you.” At the time, I made a pledge to myself that I’d get my daughter back. After that, I started to work even harder, and nothing occupied my mind except money and my daughter: I had to reach the target of 500,000 RMB so that I could bring my daughter to live in Japan. But when I finally got the money together and asked my ex-husband to send me his bank account details so that I could wire the money to him, he demanded 1 million RMB. My ex-husband’s continuous deceit saddened me greatly. I thought about how hard I’d worked over the last few years to get my daughter back, but all I’d gotten back was deceit and pain. In fact, I’d exhausted myself so much that all I could do now was stay at home and recuperate. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. I was full of resentment, and felt that life was bitter and exhausting …

It was during this period that my mother and elder sister again urged me to believe in God and rely on God, but I was still pre-occupied with the whole thing with my daughter and still didn’t have the inclination. 2015 came, and I still hadn’t gotten my daughter back. On a trip to China that year my mother once again earnestly urged me to have faith and trust in God and not to fight against my destiny. My mother said: “The fate of every living person is in God’s hands. You keep on rebelling against God and refusing God’s salvation. You want to control your own destiny, but this will only make you suffer even more. Ever since you experienced the painful break up of your marriage God’s salvation has been waiting for you, but you insist on doing things your own way. You think that all it takes is money to get your daughter back, but have you been able to make it happen? You’ve struggled all these years, but to what avail? Has your wish come true? You should really consider whether or not our destinies are really in our hands. Have faith and trust in God! Only God can save you!” After saying all this, my mother read out a passage of Almighty God’s words for me: “If one’s attitude toward God’s sovereignty over human fate is active, then when one looks back upon one’s journey, when one truly comes to grips with God’s sovereignty, one will more earnestly desire to submit to everything that God has arranged, will have more of the determination and confidence to let God orchestrate one’s fate, to stop rebelling against God. For one sees that when one does not comprehend fate, when one does not understand God’s sovereignty, when one gropes forward willfully, staggering and tottering, through the fog, the journey is too difficult, too heartbreaking. So when people recognize God’s sovereignty over human fate, the smart ones choose to know it and accept it, to bid farewell to the painful days when they tried to build a good life with their own two hands, instead of continuing to struggle against fate and pursue their so-called life goals in their own manner. When one has no God, when one cannot see Him, when one cannot clearly recognize God’s sovereignty, every day is meaningless, worthless, miserable. Wherever one is, whatever one’s job is, one’s means of living and the pursuit of one’s goals bring one nothing but endless heartbreak and irrelievable suffering, such that one cannot bear to look back. Only when one accepts the Creator’s sovereignty, submits to His orchestrations and arrangements, and seeks true human life, will one gradually break free from all heartbreak and suffering, shake off all the emptiness of life” (“God Himself, the Unique III” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). These words of God really touched my heart, and all the scenes of me putting myself out for my daughter flashed before my eyes. All these years I’d been giving free rein to my character and “groping forward willfully.” For the sake of my daughter I’d given my all to make money, never stopping to rest. I’d born enormous stress at work, my husband’s irrational bullying, my daughter’s misunderstandings, and my own longings and worries for her. All this had worn me down both physically and mentally, and only I knew just how deep this sadness, pain and suffering really went. Now, Almighty God was describing the source and state of my pain with great clarity, and I was finally coming to understand that the reason for my frustration and pain was that I didn’t know whom the fate of every living person is controlled by. I’d always wanted to rely on my own efforts to improve my daughter’s destiny, but no matter how hard I tried it was all to no avail. All I’d done was to make myself suffer, and I’d ended up bruised and battered. At that moment, I thought to myself: “Shouldn’t I really just stop for a while and quietly reflect on my life so far? Shouldn’t I hand over control of my destiny to God and submit to whatever He arranges for me? Where should I go from here? Where will my spirit finally find a safe harbor in which to shelter and rest?”

Picture of The Church of Almighty God

Not long after returning to Japan, I entered into life in The Church of Almighty God. When I saw on the church’s website and from watching their videos that there were already so many brothers and sisters in Japan and around the world, I was stunned. I really hadn’t expected to see that there were so many believers in Almighty God, and that many other nations such as Canada, the U.S.A., South Korea, etc. all had branches of The Church of Almighty God. The gospel of God’s kingdom was clearly spreading to all four corners of the globe, and this knowledge made me even more certain that I’d gotten on board “the last train.” I was so grateful to God for not treating me based on my disobedience, for giving me a number of opportunities to save me, and for bringing me back to God’s house. I don’t know how I was so deserving of God’s grace, and so I promised myself that I would find the resolve and determination to henceforth follow Almighty God without faltering.

Later, after leading a church life and reading God’s words for some time, I came to understand just how much effort goes into God’s salvation of each person. I also understood better the harmful effects of Satan’s corruption on people. I read these words of God: “Most people live in the foul place of Satan, and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that till they are half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless that they simply have no inclination to take notice of God’s work” (“Work and Entry (1)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “A person cannot choose the people or factors under whose edification and influence he or she grows up. One cannot choose what knowledge or skills one acquires, what habits one forms. One has no say in who one’s parents and relatives are, what kind of environment one grows up in; one’s relationships with the people, events, and things in one’s surroundings, and how they influence one’s development, are all beyond one’s control. Who decides these things, then? Who arranges them? Since people have no choice in the matter, since they cannot decide these things for themselves, and since they obviously do not take shape naturally, it goes without saying that the formation of all this rests in the hands of the Creator. Just as the Creator arranges the particular circumstances of every person’s birth, He also arranges the specific circumstances under which one grows up, needless to say. If a person’s birth brings changes to the people, events, and things around him or her, then that person’s growth and development will necessarily affect them as well. For example, some people are born into poor families, but grow up surrounded by wealth; others are born into affluent families but cause their families’ fortunes to decline, such that they grow up in poor environments. No one’s birth is governed by a fixed rule, and no one grows up under an inevitable, fixed set of circumstances. These are not things that a person can imagine or control; they are the products of one’s fate, and are determined by one’s fate. Of course, the bottom line is that they are predestined for a person’s fate by the Creator, they are determined by the Creator’s sovereignty over, and His plans for, that person’s fate” (“God Himself, the Unique III” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).

Picture of The Church of Almighty God

Thank God! God’s words are spoken so practically. The fate of every living person is in God’s hands. The circumstances of our births and growth to maturity, every part of our destiny in life, are all beyond our control. It’s like when I thought I’d found true love with my ex-husband and that we’d be happy together for a life time, and then, within a few short years, my life became unbearably painful and bitter. In order to get my daughter back, I’d devoted my whole being to making money, thinking that I could rely on my own diligence to improve my daughter’s destiny. I’d believed that since my ex-husband was prone to drinking, whoring, and gambling, my daughter would inevitably be influenced by him, and that it was my duty to give her a better home environment and a better education. I wanted her to be learned and cultured so that she’d be able to make something of herself when she grew up. But even though I’d agreed to my ex-husband’s unreasonable demands time and time again, I still hadn’t gotten my daughter back and hadn’t been able to improve the way she was developing into an adult. My daughter is now 15 years old, but she hasn’t picked up any of my ex-husband’s bad habits, and in fact is getting more sensible by the day. Reality has given me all the proof I need to know that no one can change their own destiny, parents can’t change the destinies of their offspring, and the circumstances under which we live don’t play a deciding role either. The destiny of every living person is arranged and controlled by God. Reading these words helped me to see that all those years of relying on myself and putting myself out on behalf of my daughter was just Satan playing with me and making me suffer. Once I recognized God’s arrangements and control in mankind’s fate, then it was like a weight was lifted from my heart. I no longer hated my ex-husband, and I realized that getting my daughter back, her future, and whether or not she’d be able to come and live in Japan were all in God’s hands. I would hand my daughter over to God to let Him decide what to do with her.

I would never have expected that no sooner had my way of looking at things changed a little than the circumstances surrounding me also began to change. My daughter and I became a lot closer: She stopped wanting money from me and began to show concern for my welfare; I also started chatting more with her and telling her how I really felt. On the occasions when I did give her money she would say: “I’m still a child, so don’t give me too much money as I don’t have enough self-discipline. When I’ve spent the money and need more I’ll tell you. Take care of your health, and don’t worry about me because I’m old enough to take care of myself.” To me, my daughter’s understanding attitude was the most fortunate thing I could have, and I knew that this was God warming me with His love. God knows that my daughter is the one thing I will always be concerned about, and I thank God for taking pity on me and looking out for me. This was also the period when I preached the gospel to my husband, and he too came to understand God’s work of the last days, happily accepted it, and started his church life. Now, due to God’s leadership and guidance, we lead happy and fortunate lives. I’m just so grateful to Almighty God for saving me! A hymn that has made a particularly deep impression on me is “Oh God, oh dearest God”: “Oh God, oh God, oh dearest God! I have grown up on the words of life that You have fed me. You have taught me to walk and how to experience Your words. Your mercy and protection enables me to walk on the path to the kingdom. Oh God, oh God, oh dearest God! You have saved me from the mundane world and brought me home, brought me to God’s house. Oh God, oh God, oh dearest God! You’re so concerned about my life and want me to quickly grow up and achieve transformation in life disposition so that I can faithfully fulfill my duties and satisfy You. Oh God, oh God, oh dearest God! Your love impels me to follow You forever. Oh God, oh God, oh dearest God! Your love impels me to follow You forever, and serve You for all of my life, serve You for all of my life.”